I only wish to love you
by seifersfire
Summary: He was her apostate, no matter the consequences...
1. Chapter 1

Being greeted by the now familiar scent of sweat and urine was no surprise. Darktown really had its own charm. If it weren't for the blonde healer who spent countless hours here she was quite sure her visits would have been much less frequent. Maker that man would be the death of her with all his noble resisting.

It was no secret Hawke wanted more from the apostate she liked to think of as her own. Even Merrill had picked up on it and Siri swore she saw Varric at every turn, his hands clutching a piece of parchment just waiting for a good story. Hawke sighed heavily. Given their last mission and what had almost happened to that girl... She hadn't seen Anders for days and while he did hold her at arms length, more than two days without word was too much.

It was just to make sure he was alright. At least that's what she kept telling herself, it had nothing to do with the foreboding feeling she had been struggling with since Justice had reared his head and almost obliterated his own cause along with Anders himself. He had seemed so broken and her heart bled for him.

"Don't lie to me, boy, I've been in these sewers for days trying to find the healer. You were half dead this morning! Where's this apostate?"

"I don't know!"

Even as her heart turned to ice in her chest, Siri glanced towards the argument. A young boy, Daniel, was backed into a corner with a Templar looming above him. She recognized him as one of Anders urchins. He had a lung problem if she remembered correctly. '_Keep your wits about you Siri. One wrong move and you could make this situation far worse than it is.'_ With a deep breath she moved towards the pair.

"Daniel! I take it my tincture worked. Are you feeling well?" She put on her best smile and sauntered towards the child. He had seen her helping at the clinic and she prayed to the Maker that Daniel remembered her. The relief she saw in his eyes when they landed on her was palpable. "Of course Lady Hawke. Thank you I feel much better."

Hawke turned her attention to the Templar. "Good evening. I do hope there isn't a problem. Has Daniel done something wrong?"

"Hawke? Didn't you move up to Hightown recently? I would think you wouldn't be down here again." Suspicion dripped from every syllable. It was no secret in Kirkwall that she was a friend to mages but thanks to their expedition into the Deep Roads her coin spoke volumes. Daniel, the smart child had removed himself from the corner and positioned himself behind Hawke.

She sighed dramatically, "No one wants to be here. However, just because I have gained wealth does not mean I haven forgotten those who need my help. What kind of a person would I be to stand back and allow others to suffer just because they smell a little ripe?"

"Yeah, right. Have you seen the healer?" The clank of his armor as he shifted grated on her fraying nerves. _'By Andraste, I should have come sooner. Anders... I won't let them have you.'_

Siri plastered a very innocent face. "What healer? My goodness I hope there's not a dangerous apostate on the loose. "

The glower the Templar bestowed her was less than gracious. With a grunt of disgust he turned away prowling, to Hawke's relief, in the opposite direction of Anders clinic.

Once the Templar was far out of sight she kneeled to Daniel's height and spoke in a hurried whisper. "Where is he? Where is Anders?"

"He's at his clinic. I was there right before the Templar found me."

"You did good child. Run home and do not look back." Siri patted the boy on the head and turned towards the clinic trying to seem as unhurried as possible. It would not do for her to be seen running to his aid. It would only give away his location.

Lamenting that she had left her faithful Thedas at her home. The marabari would have been a welcome companion right now, if just to have a warm being to reach out to. Her heart pounded in her chest as the clinic came into view. The lantern was lit. Her relief was quickly dashed though, the door was leaning to the left, the bottom hinge destroyed.

_'No!'_

Dropping all pretense she broke into a full run as noise from inside reached her ears.

"I don't care. He's not here now. Tell you what, we'll pay off one of those Fereldan squirts to let us know when he's back. Let's go. Ale and the Hanged Man are the only things on my list of things to do tonight."

"The Knight Commander wants this piss ant found. If we go back without actually searching the place she'll have our heads instead."

Kneeling by the doors Siri took stock of what she could see in the clinic. Her world stopped when she saw his staff. Anders never went anywhere without his staff. Sweet Andraste he was in the clinic. As her options presented themselves to her the situation looked desperate. If she announced her presence there would only be questions as to why she was there. She could easily take two Templars, but their disappearance would be noted, only bringing further scrutiny to her beloved. With determination she stayed silent listening to their search praying to gods she did not believe in that he would not be found.

"Wait, hold up. What's this?"

Her daggers were removed from their sheathes. She would not loose him. He may never love her but she would watch over her apostate. These Templars were going to die and she would happily bathe in their blood to keep him from tranquility.

"Get out of there, abomination! Kerry! He's here!"

She peaked through a hole in the wood. He looked worse than she had ever seen him. The dark circles under his eyes were darker and if it was possible he looked even thinner. Did the man never eat?! She tunneled her fear and frustration into her best talents. Sliding into the clinic silently, ignoring the trembling in her hands. She would not let them take him. They already had him in irons, she could feel the heavy weight in the air. The Templars had sealed his magic.

"You can end me. Go ahead! This injustice will end, even if it is not by my hand. You will pay for our oppression!" His face was set. She only took a moment to appreciate the fire in his eyes and the determination he exuded. Her love for him only grew as she watched his defiance. The Templars lifted him roughly by the cuffs. "The circle is where you are headed apostate, if Meredith doesn't make you tranquil herself. You've been a dagger in her side for months."

She was close. Neither the Templars nor Anders had seen her. Siri had been many things in her life, a sister, a daughter, even a mercenary and she drew strength from the bloodlust that came with the last. Very rarely did she enjoy killing, however, these men, these Templars would die.

"NO! You will not take us!"

Bright blue light suffused the room as Justice made his appearance. She watched as Anders threw his entire body weight to the left, his magics pushing against the Templars seals. She delighted in the blue flames that enveloped the Templars hands.

They both yelled, releasing their charge, but as quickly as he surfaced Justice was pushed back down. "You'll pay for that!" One of them screamed slamming Anders in the face with his hand. A dark pleasure rose in the rogue as she lifted her left hand poised to end this Templar. A split second before she struck warm honeyed eyes met her own and the relief she saw there almost made her collapse. She would not let him be taken.

Blood spilled from the Templar, gushing from his throat to stain the shiny metal of his armor. She delighted in the stunted breath, the gurgle of air and blood mixing, watching the realization dawn on his face that his time had come to an end. With the natural grace she was born with she shifted her right hip, placing herself between Anders and the remaining Templar. Her knees protested her position but she ignored the grinding sensation and pushed upwards with her strong thighs her murderous smile only getting bigger when she felt her blades slide in beneath the Templars breastplate and the resistance of skin and bones as she ended him. They would not have him.

The Templar staggered and fell to his knees, she met his gaze as the life drained from his eyes. "Know this before you die. They will never find your body. You will be forgotten like the piece shit you are."

Only when the Templar no longer drew breath did she take a breath of her own. Her hands, so steady and sure five seconds ago trembled. Her daggers fell to the ground as she turned to Anders. "Are you all right? Did they hurt you?!"

A very tired laugh met her inquiry, "You have the best timing."

She rose to her feet quickly extinguishing the lantern and shoving the door closed. She had to make sure they would not be discovered again. Satisfied that she would at least have warning enough to deal with someone if they tried to come in she moved back to his side. "Let's get you out of these." It only took a moment to release his hands, the irons falling the the floor with a heavy clunk. She ignored the burn touching him caused her. Now was not the time.

"If you hadn't been here... Thank you." He rubbed his wrists and let out a shuddering breath.

His voice washed over her and she turned away as tears burned her eyes. She blinked rapidly trying to contain herself. He was safe. Thank the Maker. She was grateful for the darkness they were surrounded by, Anders pulled away from any emotion, her relief was too obvious. "I am here to help," she whispered. "We cannot stay here. The Templars will not be long. Has your magic returned?"

A small fireball granted light to their environment. Siri quickly turned her face from him, she was always terribly blotchy after she cried. He couldn't see it, it would reveal too much. "Burn them. There can be no evidence."

The smell of burning flesh was nothing new.


	2. Chapter 2

Ashes littered the air as she lifted the scorched metal from what remained of the Templars. Hawke lifted the heavy object into a back room and covered it in the available filth to deter anyone from uncovering any evidence. "Do you have any particularly unfavorable blankets?"

Anders chuckled darkly. "I think I can manage that." He rummaged around locating several items that fit her description. As he passed the contraband to her their fingers brushed up against one another and he almost groaned at the contact. Nothing was ever easy with this woman. Didn't she see the danger he posed to her? Even now his body sang being this close to her, and he burned with the need to claim what was his. _**'No. She is not for us. We stand for all mages. Our cause is the only thing that matters.'**_

Justice's opinion was already out in the open. Had been from day one. And the blighted spirit was right, he would only love her and then break her when the time for his destiny arrived. With a mental sigh he turned to face her. Siri Hawke was truly a vision, she had silky black hair that always seemed to tickle her chin and the oh so soft base of her neck. The sparse braids twirled when she turned to face him. Her tawny eyes almost seemed to glow in the present lighting. "You seem rather keen on keeping me alive Hawke. Had you not been here, even with the girl in those tunnels a few days back. I've never had a better friend."

He almost missed her flinch at the accursed word. He ignored the pain in his chest at her obviously fake smile. "What kind of a person would I be if I let you die? Your urchins would miss you dearly." She turned her face away to hide the flash of concern and the unspoken _'I would miss you.'_

_"_Besides, who else will make sure I never get away from the smell of Darktown. We all have our crosses to bear. You can't hog all the martyrdom." Humor slid easily off her tongue. She had always been a good little liar, and her charm was legendary. She had a feeling Anders was one of the few who could see through that. However, if he knew he had been mercifully silent. "Let's go. You'll need to lay low for a few days and before you protest, I will be accompanying you at least until we leave Darktown. Do you have somewhere you can go?"

He gathered his staff and coat, not much else was worth taking. "I have a few contacts that can help me." '_Hopefully_.'

"You're a horrible liar Anders."

A smile, unbidden, graced his face. Maker he was gorgeous when he smiled. It was such a rare sight, especially recently. She pulled a small silver whistle from her pocket and blew, though no sound erupted from the trinket. Thedas would be here soon. The cellar had been unlocked since she had first heard the Templars begin rumbling about her healer, prudent planning. She chuckled, "Come along Anders, I have a spare room."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

His constant rejection really should not be capable of causing her that much pain at this point. "Give me a little credit, I'm not going to jump you in your sleep. Don't be stupid about this or the risk I just took was for naught." She snapped, despising that her pain was obvious. "You say you cannot love me. That is fine, but please, let me keep you safe."

Her words felt like a knife in the heart. For three years she had stood by him, helped him save mages, lied for him. She visited as much as she could and donated blankets, supplies, and her own time to help his cause. He knew Justice could feel his agony. _'Please Justice. She supports our cause and she has promised not to distract us. I cannot stop how she feels or how I feel, please do not make me hurt her again.'_

_**'The arrangement is acceptable.'**_

He was convening with Justice, he always got this little worry line on his left cheek when they were talking. Sometime she truly and deeply hated the spirit for what he did. Justice was responsible for Anders lack of food, sleep, and all things most other people saw as requirements to keep their hearts beating. What killed her though was the happy twinkle she could spy every now and again when their cause was bolstered and she knew Anders cared for the spirit so she kept her concerns to herself.

Thedas' happy rumble broke the standoff. He trotted over placing his head under her hands, the smell of the marabari comforted her as she lifted her head in anticipation of Anders inevitable refusal. Maybe Varric could help?

"Alright."

Her shock must have been evident.

"And Justice is good with this?" She intentionally lowered her face, shielding her eyes from him. Damn Andraste, stupid emotions!

"Yes." She was the only person in his life who even acknowledged Justice as a presence other than when he was being 'glowy'. The spirit rumbled at being referred to in such a manner but he settled down soon enough. Anders could feel a strange sense of curiosity coming from the spirit. _**'She is... Different.'**_

_'You're just catching that now?'_

They departed Darktown, climbing the ladder into her cellar and climbing the stairs into her estate. "Bohdan, please prepare the guest room."

"Right away my lady."

She tiredly started stripping her armor off while Anders stood awkwardly in the foyer. "Bohdan will see to any needs you have."

His gaze slipped to her face, pulled tight in a frown. Her eyes held a drained look and he hated that he was responsible for it. "Thank you." How he wished he could offer her more than words.

"I'll be heading out to see Isabela. You're welcome to the library, if you need it."

He bit down on the bile that rose in his throat. She always went to Isabela after... Encounters like this, when she needed to forget him. The only thing that stopped him from reaching out and showing her just how much he actually loved her was because it was just sex, he doubted the pirate even knew what love was. It killed him to let someone else bring her that release but she already sacrificed so much for him he could not deny her that one thing because as ridiculous as it sounded he knew if he asked her to stop she would. He just hoped she wouldn't hear the tremor in his voice. "Well she stopped by the clinic yesterday so you should be in the clear." Maker that felt like ashes on his tongue. It should be him touching those lips and his name on her lips. Not that blasted pirate.

He looked up from the ground to see she had approached him and was holding out a piece of parchment. "I meant to give this to you sooner. It was on the Templar in the caves the other night. You ran off before I could give it to you."

He took the parchment as she sauntered towards the stairs. His heart jumped, they had denied the Tranquil solution, the grand cleric and Meredith, both! Hope soared in his chest, perhaps there was a chance that compromise could be accomplished!

Her voice dimmed by distance caught his attention. "Mother? Are you awake?"

"Of course Siri. Come in."

"We'll be having a house guest for a while. Just until it's safe for him to go home. You remember Anders, right? The healer from Darktown."

"He is the sweetest man. He should eat more. "

Her low laughter sent chills across his skin. "Well if anyone has any hope of fattening him up its you mother dearest. I'll be going out tonight but I will be back later. All right?"

"Have fun child."

"Do my best."

He could practically see the smirk on her face. She loved him and he knew it. The pain and pleasure this caused him was a heavy weight. **_'Why does she affect you so? The only thing that moves you as much is our cause. She is only a woman.'_**

_'She is. But whether she knows it or not, she is my woman.'_

Justice was once more rendered quiet at the strength in that admission. He pondered quietly while Anders went to the library to gather parchment and ink. He could get a few more pages into his manifesto while not thinking about heated kisses or any other pleasures that would be offered to Isabela.


	3. Chapter 3

Stale ale and humidity was always the herald to the Hanged Man. Siri could barely pick up the scent of spice, the only person that even for a little while could make her forget Anders and the entire onslaught of emotions that came with him. Her relief that Isabela was here was almost embarrassing.

"Kitten," she drawled, sauntering over. "You've come to see me." Siri lifted her face and ignored the pity that met her gaze. Was she so transparent? "Bela," Hawke only hoped that her tone conveyed her desires as she reached for the Riviani.

"Come along love, I'll nibble all your pain away. Till the only thing you can feel is bliss and that overactive brain of yours is devoid of healers." Soft pliant lips met Siri's. A nimble hand so like her own wrapping into her short hair and pulling a warm and willing body closer to her own. Her hands fell to Bela's waist delighting in the pliant give of her hips. The frustrated groan the left Siri's lips had the woman in her arms squirming already.

The cat calls reminded her they were in public and she had far too little ale to be feeling that adventurous, she felt too raw.

"Hawke, seems you've got a mind to give half the men in here either a boner or a heart attack. Think you can drink with us a bit before you and Isabela get back to doing... That?" Varric stuttered, either very much captivated by something on the floor or not immune to the display between the two women.

"Best not to let Bianca know we turn you on," Bela teased.

"Bianca and I have an agreement when it comes to you two. We don't talk about it." A mug was placed in her hand as lithe hands wrapped around her waist and dipped below her leather to touch the soft skin of her tummy. Maker those nails left goosebumps wherever she touched.

She took a long pull from the mug anticipating the floaty free feeling the yellow liquid would bring. Numb, yes that's what she wanted, nothing but sated flesh and a silent mind. She settled herself in a chair in Varric's suite. "So Varric, what's the word in Kirkwall? Any good stories to share?"

The dwarf struggled with an answer as Isabela settled herself in Siri's lap and busied herself with nibbling up the rogues neck. "Uh... You're rich now and..."

Bela grabbed Siri's hand leading it not too inconspicuously to the laughable flap the pirate dared call clothes. Heat built between the two as the darker skinned woman made a tiny noise of want. "Damn Varric and his ale. I want you naked and wet kitten."

"I think Norah's calling for me."

"You can have whatever of me you want, Bela. I'm all yours." Siri gasped as those wandering hands made short work of the clasps on her leather.

"I'm coming Norah!" The door to Varric's suite slammed closed as the dwarf ran for his life.

Finally alone Siri lifted her charge plopping the pirate on the table, teasing a nipple through the fabric of her tunic. The throaty moan and jerk of her partner was music to her ears. She felt the laces of her leathers loosen and she gratefully stepped between the Pirates legs.

"Always so desperate for me," Isabela keened as Siri forcefully removed the other woman's tunic and began kissing her way down the treasure trail of goodies Bela's skin had to offer. There was a distant thunk and somewhere in her rather occupied brain she wondered just when the pirate had managed to get all her armor off.

Siri delighted in the squeal her lover let loose when she lovingly sucked on a dusky nipple, smiling in satisfaction as it rose to meet her tongue. "You're in for a ride tonight Bela, I've got a bit of," she bit down lightly and then blew a gentle breeze to ease the sting, "frustration to work out."

Isabella's hips rose off the table and her hands tangled in Siri's hair. "No one... Told me..." With a wicked smile Siri brought her lips down and suckled Isabella's clit, sweet Andraste, she was already so wet. "It was my birthday," Bela groaned.

Siri chuckled darkly against her sweetest of places, the vibrations drawing a tortured noise from her willing victim. Her hips started rocking gently against Siri's face, the slide of Bela's smooth thighs was more than erotic. Granting the unspoken plea Bela felt two fingers sliding inside. Siri's unoccupied hand found the Pirates breasts and squeezed flicking a nipple along the way.

"Kitten," Isabela moaned. "Don't know what I did to deserve this." Maker she was so close. That was the thing about Hawke though, when you gained her attention, for better or worse, you got all of her attention. The fingers inside her curled against the nicest of places. Her attention returned to the head between her thighs. Watching Hawke make her skin sing. How Anders avoided Siri's ever so talented hands was beyond her.

She cried out as stars exploded behind her eyelids. Siri's obvious satisfaction at bringing her to a very loud and harsh climax was obvious, especially with the view Isabela had. The tremors started to slow and Siri climbed up her lover practically preening with pride. Siri's center of gravity shifted and her smirk was replaced with surprise as Bela shifted their positions. "I don't know how he stays away from you."

The impact her words caused was visibly notable in seconds and Isabela didn't have time to lament the loss of fire in Siri's eyes. A sad smile crossed her face and she slowly reached for Bela's neck pulling the other woman down. "Please, I've never lied about us. This is fun. But never mention him again not when we're like this." And her lips met Bela's.


	4. Chapter 4

Anders had never been a light sleeper, however, if he was correct an ogre or perhaps a brood mother had just gone clattering into Hawke's house. He quietly slipped out of the bed he was provided and grabbed his staff. He immediately missed the soft sheets and silky feel it afforded his skin. It had been forever since he slept in a bed and the one he currently had been occupying reminded him that cots were not beds.

Thedas rumbling let him know who it was before he even glimpsed her. "Easy boy, mummy's been drinking. She's just a little uncoor... Uncooward... Wobbly." He spied her from the shadows of his doorway. She was half sitting half lying on her beloved pet in front of the fireplace. Her hands ran lazily through the dogs fur humming softly. Thedas didn't seem to mind, lying his large head on his front paws.

One glance into the foyer revealed aforementioned ogre/brood mother in the form of a bench lying on its side and what appeared to be her left shoe dangling from its laces. Affection practically infused him when he spied her bare foot.

Her snore only made the warmth spread to his toes.

After a very short and surprisingly Justice free debate he exited the shadows and moved towards the unconscious woman. Thedas lifted his head as Anders grabbed her arm, bringing it to rest on his shoulder while using his arm to support her back. "I'm just putting her to bed. She'll wake up in a horrible state if I leave her here." He brought his other arm under her knees and lifted.

Siri not so eloquently protested the movement, incoherently grumbling into his chest. She took a deep breath as he moved towards the stairs that led to her room. "'M I dreaming? You smell really good." She slurred. Anders steadfastly ignored her hand which was now drawing invisible shapes on his shoulder. "Of course you're dreaming sweetness. Go back to sleep."

He placed her feet on the floor just outside her bedroom. "Go on, your bed's right there. You can rest now." Maker she was distracting with those fingers, why hadn't she stopped?

"But... I'm dreaming... Doesn't that mean I'm already asleep?" Her head drooped a bit and she started listing to the left. His body reacted before he could stop himself. Her shoulders met his chest and his hands steadied her hips. She smelled like sex and ale, but her hair still smelled like Hawke, lilacs and vanilla. It took a considerable part of his willpower to set her aside him and give a gentle push towards her bedroom. "Trust me and get some rest."

Siri was usually a very graceful person, although understandably not at her best at the moment. She turned in his hold so she was facing him. "Thank you." She mumbled. Before he could react she had stepped forward her breasts bumping up against his chest as her lips descended on his.

Oh she was so soft now, always demanding and hard in combat but she melted to him perfectly. Her sweet lips sent a spark through him and his cock pulsed in need. Sweet Maker he had to have her. The rasp of her nipples against his chest was torture as his arms wrapped around her waist pulling the rogue closer. She moaned as their hips aligned, rubbing his now very obvious erection. His tongue invaded her mouth, mimicking the movements his hips and legs were just begging to do. He had to get inside this woman, heart, body and soul.

It was actually Hawke who ended the exchange falling back to her door frame.

Sanity returned in a rush, at least for Anders. Oh god. How was he going to stay away now? Now that he knew what she tasted like and what she felt like curled around him. A soft laugh caught his attention, he glanced over and the fire in her very inebriated gaze did little to strengthen his resolve in fact he felt it weaken. Anger was quick on its heels, she had promised. "Have to be dreaming. You'd never touch me otherwise."

The anger died with those words. It was replaced by guilt and a profound sense of longing. He lifted a shaking hand to her face and knew he was playing with fire. "Love, I long to touch you every minute of everyday."

"Ha! Woulda already done it." His heart broke a little when she stepped away from him and towards the bedroom. He was about to turn away when he heard a quiet voice. Not one he would have associated with Siri before that moment. "But I'll wait for you, maybe one day you'll see me."

She was curling up on the blankets when he got his last glance. Anders went back to his room closing the door an leaning heavily against it. Ignoring the slight tremors he slid his hand into his trousers and knew on the first stroke he would not last long. His tongue darted out licking his own lip. He could still taste her and heavens what would she taste like in other places? He brought his free hand to his mouth stifling the moan that accompanied the thought. Would her skin be as soft as he thought it would? The mental image of her legs wrapped around his waist as he pushed into her tight wet heat. His own teeth dug into the skin on his palm. He was so close, the pressure building within him was reaching a breaking point. Then his treacherous imagination presented the one image that never failed to make him cum. What would it feel like to finish inside her? This time when his teeth clamped down he tasted his own blood.

_**'Anders, you must wake**_.'

Groaning the apostate cracked one eyelid. '_What?'_

_**'What is this sensation? I believe it is a ... Smell?'**_

Anders yawned heavily but the subsequent inhale revealed something glorious. He chuckled._ 'That my dear friend is bacon.'_

A sense of extreme discomfort and the same curiosity he had shown earlier washed over Anders. It almost perplexed him the normal things that might trip the spirit up. It was truly an odd experience to feel uncomfortable about food._** 'What is bacon?'**_

Anders tried to hide his amusement but they were one and the spirit bristled in offense, rather than make the situation worse he explained,_ 'It is a food. Rather good one at that. Mostly served for the first meal of the day.'_

_'__**Are we to partake in the first meal?'**_

Anders had no hope of hiding his mirth when Justice sounded almost hopeful**. **_'We shall see.' _After a more than satisfying stretch, he pushed his upper body off the bed to feel a stab of pain in his hand. One look at the teethmarks and everything came rushing back. Anders did his best to suppress his thoughts, Justice did not need to know about that...

**_'I was... Present during the evening...'_** Came the almost guilty reply.

_'And you didn't interfere? Why not? I thought she was a distraction?'_

_**'She is!'**_Anders felt the spirit flare momentarily_. __**'However, I can feel her frustration with me. It is,' **_the spirit settled but still struggled with his next words._**'Her anger is only due to things I do not understand. Your body requires concepts I am unfamiliar with. All people are constant in the Fade. We do not require resources to exist. We do not consume. It is true we have talked on this matter before, but your resolve was strong. I ... I did not understand the need for nourishment on a physical level. Your kind is strange. But her devotion to you is palpable. It pleased her to feel our flesh. I allowed it.'**_

Shock froze the mage, his shirt dangling from his fingers. The pull of so many thoughts, so many possibilities yanked in sixteen different directions. One thought he could not suppress was the hope that maybe... _'Freedom?'_

He almost felt the spirit hold the thought and the wave of guilt that swept through him was not his own.**_ 'I never intended to cage you, Anders, only to grant you my strength. As long as our cause remains true we can spend more time with your Fereldan. She is good for you and you are still my friend.'_**

Justice actually paused at the flood of joy from the mage. _**'It was never my intent to chain you.'**_


	5. Chapter 5

You know, she had quite a few loops on her boots. She only untied the top set for convenience but now the she noticed that was a lot of loops.

"Whore."

"Frigid bitch."

Siri did nothing to hide her sigh of irritation. She was going to have to separate those two soon, heavens above, why had Fenris not been home this morning? Her preference to the pirate had always irked dear Aveline, so naturally she poured all her energy into ignoring or insulting said pirate as a passive aggressive attempt to not voice her opinion, loudly. Not that Aveline had issues with stating what was on her mind, not at all!

"Just because I haven't bedded everyone at the Hanged Man does not make me frigid! Have you no concept of decency?"

"If it brings you gold or giggles, princess."

Resisting the urge to poke something repeatedly with her knives she trudged forward, ignoring the bickering that continued behind her. She was hunting spider sacs on the Sundermount, she needed someone with longer pointy sticks than her own and with Fenris unavailable Aveline had been the next best choice. Unfortunately, Isabela had already been with her when Fenris had not answered. Next time she had to go into the sewers she was bringing the elf, if just so he had to literally had to walk through the shit. Let him grumble about getting unmentionables on his precious toes. Mental note added, sewer trudging revenge.

"Did I miss something dirty?"

Normally the little mage did not accompany them, keeping to herself mostly, however, there was no way she could have asked Anders to come not after last night, dream or no. That was not something she could hide. Siri might have felt a little guilty for ignoring the girl so but, to be heartbreakingly honest blood magic made her uncomfortable. She didn't know if it was because of her fathers blood or if it was intuition but all mages had an aura or a presence about them and Merrill's physical proximity almost made her itch. "That depends on your version of naughty."

"There's more than one version?" Merrill sounded positively scandalized.

"Dearest Merrill, there are volumes of versions." Huh, maybe she should push the pirate to spend more time with Merrill. Isabela apparently wouldn't be opposed and it would help Merrill be a little less lonely.

"Can you people think of nothing else? There's nothing around us but spider guts. One would think that would kill the mood!" Aveline groused as she loosed the strap the freed her arm from her shield. Now that she mentioned it, the fleshy flop of spider innards was not nearly as attractive as the sounds Anders had made last night and she wasn't even sure that happened.

In hindsight, there was a possibility she was as depraved as Isabela. "Apparently when one reaches a certain level of depravity even spider guts cannot stand in the way."

"Are there versions of moods too? This is all strangely complicated." Merrill completely missed Isabela's appreciative stare, twice. Mental note number two, Bela apparently had no issue with people who thought the Fade was full to the brim of puppies and kittens and not demons.

"If you're that interested in finding out..."

Siri knew that smile, toe curlingly nice things happened after that twist of her lips. "Easy Bela, you can tie her down and have your way with her later. We're concentrating on spiders at the moment."

"You're never any fun."

"Wait, why would you want to tie me down? Did I do something wrong?"

Siri chuckled as the last of the spiders fell and watched as Aveline typical soldier that she was started tending to her precious armor. "Hawke, you know what these vile things corrode and rot my armor! Why not bring Fenris or," Her gaze slithered to the pirate practically drooling on the very confused mage. "Anyone else."

"I'll pay for any damages to your beloved equipment," Siri chuckled. Wait, this nest was finished. What was moving?

Aveline pulled her sword from its sheath already bemoaning the damages to the steel and placing it next to her shield on the ground. "This will take hours to fix!" There was definitely something moving over there. Siri stood to get a better look and only had moments to react, while kneeling Aveline's armor would do little or no good by the time the damn wasp spider struck. Calling on her skills she pushed forward staying low to the ground, she would only have time for one strike and it had to be deadly.

"Aveline! Move!"

Thank the maker the woman moved quickly when she did. Instead of chomping down on nice nummy Aveline flesh the spider got a mouth full of Siri's gauntlet. Taking the moment she had her other arm extended out to its full length and with a strike upwards she was met with the resistance flesh and bone. With a dark smile, Siri yanked towards herself and the creature screeched as vital organs began to bend to gravity's will.

The only warning she got was the strap to her gauntlet giving away before two twin pains assaulted her left forearm.

"Hawke!"

She felt the pincers pulse, pushing more venom into her veins as she struck a second time, the spider knew it was done and the damn thing was trying to take her with it. With more effort than it should have taken, she cut the fangs from its body and could only hope that her companions would be able to finish the beast. She hit the ground and winced as her head bounced off something sharp.

The spider was encased in stone the moment Siri fell and with grim satisfaction she watched as Aveline beheaded it in one swing.

"Merrill, go get Anders, quick as you can!"

Siri didn't even see the elf leave before she lost consciousness.

Anders had never felt so full, by the Maker, Leandra was an exceptional cook. Eggs, Toast, bacon and fresh milk. The best thing he'd had to eat lately was stew and the meat's origins had been sketchy. This was glorious. "Words cannot express my gratitude and appreciation for this. It's the best meal I've had in years. Here, let me clear the table."

"That's quite thoughtful, thank you. I do hope you'll be staying a while, it gets quiet while Siri's off galavanting about." Leandra blew delicately on her mug of steaming tea.

"Hopefully I won't have to impose on you too long." 'Don't ask, don't ask, don't ask... Damn!' "Did you catch where she was headed when she left this morning?"

Leandra hid her smile behind her tea. "She very rarely tells me, something about not wanting to worry me."

The front door swung open with a bang and Bohdan was physically shoved out of the way. "Anders! Spider bite... Bad! She lost consciousness before I even left. Sundermount! Quickly," the elf panted.

Casting a rejuvenation spell as he moved questions started flying out of his mouth as his legs got with the program. "Where were they bitten? Do you have lyrium potions?"

"Her arm and yes, three."

Once they cleared the house and Leandra was out of earshot he asked, "Who?"

"Hawke."

Aveline braced Siri's weight against her front as Isabela slowly poured elf root potion in her mouth, rubbing her throat to encourage the liquid down. "Come on love , won't do for you to die yet. Drink up, there you go." Isabela's soothing tone was very much at odds with her face, which was pale and racked with worry. Siri looked even worse, pale as a ghost and twitching. She was slicked with sweat from a fever that had started within minutes of Merrill's departure. Her breathing was starting to get weaker. Maker's breath where were they?!

Siri coughed forcing Aveline to further support her friend. Bleary eyes opened with little focus, "... Anders?"

"You've been calling out his name for years pet, stay with us a little longer and you can see him. That sounds nice, yes?" Isabela reached for her pack blindly grabbing another potion and disregarding the now empty vial. "If he would get his arse in gear already. Tits, where is that man!"

"Never got... To tell him..."

Damn they were loosing her! Isabela with little forethought and a great deal of panic slapped Siri, hard. "You don't get to do that! Stay awake damn you."

"How much further?" Anders asked.

"Just over this hill! That's where the nest was," Merrill dropped to her knees in exhaustion.

His heart all but disappeared when Isabela's scream hit his ears. Worry was not something commonly associated with the pirate. Siri was in trouble. He crested the hill and ran to the three women. "How long has it been?"

He uncorked the first bottle of lyrium as healing waves fell from his fingertips, her distressed moan at what should have felt soothing did not improve his confidence in her condition.

"Twenty minutes, maybe more. She hit her head when she fell, there's blood." Aveline supplied moving Siri's hair out of the way.

One hand stayed over her left arm while the other slid up the back of her neck. Good, only a minor concussion, that at least easily dealt with he brought the same hand back down sliding over her neck and chest. The poison had not reached her heart. He could save her. He pushed cleansing energy through her body each wave ebbing away at the sludge in her veins.

Her body was on fire, every inch burned with agony. She was going to die, she knew it. She couldn't go without... Isabela, she needed Isabela.

"I'm here precious, what do you need?"

"Not gunna make it. Tell Varric to watch out for my mum."

"Stop talking like this sweetling. Didn't you hear? You are going to be fine. Why is she still acting like this?"

"It's the type of toxin, attacks her nerves directly, she feels pain where there is none." That sounded like Anders. A smile graced her face, thank the maker she got to hear it one more time. "She'll continue to improve, just a little more." Cool hands were touching her bare tummy and they pulsed with cold energy that was making her rather sleepy. Only one more thing to do before she let go. With what little strength she had left she peeled her eyes open and there he was all scruffy and cute.

When she clumsily lifted a hand to the stubble on the side of his face, his gaze locked with hers all fire and determination to keep her alive. "I love you." There, she had said it.

His gaze narrowed, she wished she weren't so sluggish, normally she could tell what he was thinking. Her hand felt cold. When she managed to pull her gaze to said hand it was encased in Anders' own. God she was so tired, the brief flare of energy was fading. "Then prove it to me and keep breathing. Don't give up, not yet. I will not let you go."

"It hurts. I'm tired."

She was almost cleansed, she would need time for her nerves to recover but there was almost no poison left, he just had to be sure to clean out her kidneys thoroughly of what had already been naturally filtered. "I know. I'll help you sleep soon. Just a little bit more ok?"

"Anything for you."

One hand shifted from her tummy to her forehead. "Sleep, we'll talk when you're feeling better."

She drifted, vaguely aware of the sensation of her arm falling from his face. Maybe she would dream again. It had been sooooo much nicer than her waking hours as of late.

"What in the bloody fucking hell is wrong with you! You know she's been coming to me for three years because your caveman of a skull keeps pushing her away!" Isabela shook her head, standing to her feet. "Don't get me wrong I've enjoyed the time with her and will happily enjoy more, but that means I get all the memories of her, not you. Weigh how much that means to you Anders."

Without giving a chance for argument the pirate flounced off to check on Merrill.

Anders was quite happily envisioning the multiple different ways he could boil, freeze, electrocute and or other manners of bodily harm upon her head. How dare the queen of cat calls lecture him about feelings. The woman had the emotional range of a rock. Well, that wasn't entirely true... She had sounded rather frightened a few minutes ago. What if he hadn't made it in time? What if he lost her?

So that was the weight she had referred to.

Gently he gathered her sleeping form in his arms and started the slow trek home.


	6. Chapter 6

For the umpteenth time in three days she heard her beloved Thedas let out a pitiful whine. Both of them were feeling pent up and chaffing against the prison they had been placed in. Mother was an impressive warden. Three days of being stuck inside 'resting', more like torture and her slobber prone pet agreed. Hawke sighed heavily leaning her head back on the sofa in the library. Normally the fire would catch her attention, the little red tendrils dancing on the walls, but one could only observe so long until things that once encouraged comfort now induced irritation. She hadn't felt sunlight in days.

The sound of her staircase being chewed on and slowly whittled down to toothpicks had her left hand twitching practically reaching for her daggers, either that or the apparent reason she was forced into 'relaxing'. Someone, a sandy haired traitor that would not be named at the moment, had insisted to her mother that due to the slight damage done to her nerves she was prone to twitching and her fine motor skills would not be on par with what she was normally capable of. When she had offered him refuge it had been with the intent of spending as much time as possible running around, prolonged contact with Anders led to blushing and stuttering and all things female and while she enjoyed having him near, her nerves were beginning to fray.

To make it worse he seemed to be more than happy to keep her company but he hadn't looked her in the eye for three days. The conversation was nice but polite, it almost felt like a level of their friendship had disappeared and that upset her more than anything else. See this was why she needed to be doing things, not thinking, thinking lead to remembering and that lead to shame. Andraste she had to stop throwing herself at him or she'd loose what little of the real him she had seen. He was right the other night back in Darktown, this had been a bad idea. At least Varric had not seen what happened and no one would hear the tale of just how pathetic she had the potential of being.

The scratching of a quill meeting parchment had her gritting her teeth and a loud yowl right next to her ear was the breaking point. The damn dog was right, she had to get out of here. "I'm going for a bath."

Suspicion was not well hidden in the brown orbs that swiveled towards her, but never meeting her own. There might have been a few escape attempts. It didn't help that Thedas knew her too well and had rushed to her side tail wagging, happiness oozing from the animal. "I'm sure. If this bath involves what I think it does, I will distract your mother for thirty minutes, as long as you promise nothing untoward happens while... Bathing."

The offer was the first she had spied of her Anders in days. A tentative smirk lifted her lips. "Don't worry, no harm ever came of bathing."

As she left the estate Anders let his quill fall, trying and failing to hold back a sigh. The past three days had been so horribly awkward. He knew his behavior was partly the cause of her melancholy, but all he could see when he looked at her was... By the Maker when she told him she loved him, he could think of nothing else. Three days of chit chat and scrolls upon scrolls of nonsense he had scratched out while enduring all that her presence induced. Three days of weighing and judging, how would she feel later when the inevitable arrived? Did she even know all the things being a Grey Warden entailed? Even if they managed to survive Kirkwall and she by some miracle forgave him for his solution to the whole Chantry situation, his Calling and Justice had surely cut years from his life.

_**'You are repeating your thoughts, this is ineffecient.'**_

_'Your powers of observation are astounding, Justice.'_ The spirit stirred at Anders ire. It made sense the indecision would irritate him, part of being Justice held little to no tolerance for hesitation. Anders could feel his strain under his skin, he chuckled, as if it was his own. _'Do forgive me, not all of us are omnipotent.'_

_**'Do not patronize me mortal, I have given leave to spend more time with her and yet you hesitate because of your fears. You will not hide the true nature of your thoughts from me, I will not say I am comfortable with the notion of experiencing a coupling, it is not something I was meant to feel. However, it seems resisting distraction has begun to drive you mad. We are of no use to anyone, much less mages, in this state. Sate your needs or leave but there is no middle road. There mortal, the choice you refuse to face. Make your decision.'**_

/

Sweet Andraste! It felt like the first deep breathe she took in days. Thedas was running delighted circles around her, barking madly.

She spotted a tuft of white hair moving sleekly through the crowd, headed to the far side of Hightown. Desperate for a friendly face Siri called out to the elf, "Fenris!"

He stopped turning towards her, the grump always had a frown on his face. "Hawke, aren't you supposed to be resting with that abomination tending to your every need?"

Maker she would never be free of that man. "Not you too, I've only just escaped. You'll not turn me in right this moment, right?"

He looked pained as a smirk lit up his face, almost as if emotions that were not dark and angsty made him physically uncomfortable. "I suppose they can wonder where you are for a bit longer. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you went to Sundermount. I was looking into something."

"It wouldn't have anything to do with the sister our dearly departed Hadrianna mentioned, would it?"

Fenris did his best to not look surprised focusing his displeasure at her keen instincts. "On second thought, I might just call your mother." His one interaction with Hawke's mother had been quite abrasive, her doting nature more than smothering. All he could recall was a whirlwind of 'you don't eat enough' and 'do call if you need anything', concepts that had long ago become foreign to him. Her scandalized look amused him far more than she knew. "You wouldn't dare!"

"You know better than to doubt my threats, Hawke." She was indeed a beautiful woman, but the worry and stress in her gaze was not something he approved of. Siri was truly a paragon that stood for what she thought was right and she had been good to him, he owed her and wanted to help his friend. "Speaking of threats, Varric has intimated of cards and free ale this evening. Perhaps you can convince your jailers to let you out?"

"That sounds simply fantastic! I've been cooped up for days."

"Does rest mean bouncing about Hightown with your dog?" Leandra's sharp tone brought the conversation to a screeching halt and had Fenris bolting for his mansion, likely unable to stand the intense gaze of her mother.

Only familial devotion saved her mother from the mounting ire and irritation. She loved her mother and knew the woman only had her best interests at heart but the thought of returning home right now made Siri consider chasing the elf down yelling loudly about helping him with something, anything rather than going back. "Mother I am not a child."

"No you are, however, my child. It worries me when you run around so and worse you usually come back injured! Can you truly blame me for wanting to see you get better? I know this chafes dear, but you must rest." Leandra shifted her purchases to the other hip and Siri out of habit reached out and took the packages. "I bought the makings for some stew, so you can be well fed before you go out with your friends, one must rest their minds along with their bodies and some fun will not hurt. Besides, the more of your friends you have around the less likely something unfavorable will happen."

They fell into step together headed back towards the estate. "Siri, I wanted to ask you about something... More specifically your healer."

Siri didn't bother hiding her groan, "Mum we really don't need to discuss this."

"You obviously care about him, why wouldn't I want to pry?" Leandra huffed.

"Believe me, there's nothing to tell."

"That's why I spoke... Are you sure you want to tie yourself to him? He's a troubled man, one with plans for the future that might not bode well with many people in this city. I admire his determination and his cause, but as your mother I find it harder to approve of him. The life he would bring you is not what I want for you."

"Well, the man's refused me more times then I'd like to admit, so you've no need to be concerned."

Leandra kept the rest of her thoughts to herself, but his resistance to her daughter was the only reason she was sure the man loved Siri. Saw the same look in that young mans eyes that her beloved had held as he pushed her away, saying she deserved better than an apostate. Maker help her, Siri was too much like herself.

/

Warm smells greeted the Rivaini as she pushed open the door to Hawke's estate. Leandra had insisted that if her daughter was going out that she be in capable hands the whole way. She could just imagine how Hawke was dealing with the mothering. She would admit half the reason she agreed to the ridiculous proposal that Siri needed protection was so she could drop by for dinner. Leandra's cooking was legendary.

Siri sat at the left side of the table with Anders to her right both were nibbling on their dinner. "Looking forward to an evening away from your prison?"

"Don't say that like you had nothing to do with it, I told you to gloss things over not give her a bloody breakdown of the facts." Oh how adorable, she was trying to be irritated. Poor kitten, that man could piss on her shoes and she'd thank him for shining them. "The most amusing fact has to be that the strongest mage I know and the only woman who ever came near besting me are both being bull rushed by one woman." Bela quipped taking her serving from Leandra. "Best cook in the Free Marches."

"Well, it doesn't have the same ring as best cook in Fereldan, but it's good to know that my talents are appreciated. Isabela if you sit on the table rather than in a chair I will have Thedas remedy that." Leandra stated without facing Bela.

Anders and Siri shared a smile as the pirate who had been preparing to sit on the table plopped herself in a chair. "Weren't you saying something about being bull rushed?" He was so handsome when he thought he was being quippy.

"Shut it."

Siri snorted into her stew.

"He doesn't need any help from your silver tongue," Isabela practically sneered over her bowl. "Or so he claims."

"And on that lovely note I'm getting my daggers, then we can go." Siri rose from the table and exited the room. "Daggers?! Siri you said this would be safe!" Leandra tore after her daughter all motherly concern.

"Are you having fun pirate?" Anders growled. "Your speech on Sundermount wasn't enough?"

"I only get rightfully upset once a year. That leaves me with innuendo and sarcasm, I'm working with what's made available to me. No need to get uppity. I'll lay off besides for tonight I just want to see her smile, she never has been one to hold still well." Bela stated gathering up the dishes. Quick fingers did a weapons check and she was good to go.

Anders stood walking into the foyer, from the sounds of it Hawke was in no mood to be coddled, not anymore at least. It was strange to look at her in the mindset that he could have her, to feel anticipation without the strain of 'look but don't touch'. If you had told him last week that he would be plotting to get her alone, that Justice would be encouraging this, his first impulse would be to check said persons temperature. Her little braids whipped to the side when she went to answer her mother and the fire of irritation in her gaze only served to remind him of a different fire he had seen shortly after he had tasted her on his lips. He would give coin he didn't have to know if she remembered that.

When her gaze finally landed on him, for the first time in three days, he didn't hide his gaze or the glimmer of arousal in it. He wanted her to see it. Finally, three years of tension and three years of waiting were going to be over.

Siri stumbled when Anders held her gaze and felt ridiculously warm under his scrutiny. Right, more thought power into putting one foot in front of the other.

"Mother, for the tenth time, I will be fine. You've seen me take on a ogre, I doubt the Hanged Man will be what takes me down." Anders was grabbing his staff amused at the very fast paced enthusiastic movements towards the door. Perhaps because he was so used to watching her, scanning for injuries or just generally staring, but she was compensating for her left knee and with the current pace she had her knee was going to give. Leandra might insist she stay, being as nonchalant as possible he shifted his position bracing her back with his hand and grabbing her elbow with the other.

Maker she smelled good and she was actually having to lean on him, her weight felt right. "I'll make sure she comes home safe, Leandra. You need not worry."

It felt far too natural to let him support her, and the feathers were tickling her nose. Wait... Why hadn't he moved away? Siri felt like pinching herself when his hand slid from her back to her waist. Hopefully they couldn't see her shiver, was he intentionally breathing in her ear? Anders had to know that was driving her up the wall. Andraste help her, she would take anything he'd give. He was most definitely touching skin, on her. Damn just a finger stroking her hip and she was really really sure she would fall if he let go and her knee was fine now. She should be irritated that something that simple could leave her this hot and bothered.

"Are we ready to depart?" Fenris voice cut through the moment.

"See we brought the cleaving happy elf with the big sword! No reason to worry Leandra, dear." Isabela cooed.

Anders stepped towards the door and Siri moved with him, fitting like a glove. She had no idea where the sudden contact was coming from but damned if she wasn't going to enjoy it. As they crossed the doorway and fresh night air filled her lungs, she wrangled with the flush that wanted to make itself very known. She had to be distracted because next moment, and at a notably lower tone than his normal timbre, "I'm not crowding you, am I?"

Exactly when had he gotten that close?! "I don't mind."

Anders smiled pulling the rogue flush against his side, sliding his arms across her shoulders. "You know," he leaned in close to her ear. "Justice has insisted that I take the night off. Tonight should be interesting."

"Has he now? Well that's good to know."

It did wonders for his pride, the tremor in her voice.


	7. Chapter 7

Candlelight truly was it's own kind of magic. It took a dingy rundown bar and turned it into a warm environment that was as fluid as most of the patrons vision. A fireplace gave way to larger bursts of light and it felt hot and oppressing, it was strong enough to warm a home against the cold winter however, it wasn't delicate enough to make women's faces softer, to leave that little bit of mystery and cheek to a room. Maybe her occupation made her opinion a smidge biased, but life was nicer with a shade of candlelight to it.

Or that could be the lovely bottle of wine Varric had supplied her with when she got there. The evening had been wonderful so far. Most everyone had turned out, Merrill was sitting next to Varric staring intently at his cards. Siri smiled when she noted the hand Merrill held over her mouth. Apparently Varric decided until she understood the finer points of diamond back Merrill was not allowed to ask questions about 'three pretty ladies'. Siri had never seen a table fold faster. She wasn't currently participating, no need to start handing out her sovereigns just yet. Besides, she was far too distracted to keep up with Bela's cheating antics tonight. Being a rather logical human being she was currently torn between confusion and elation. He had not let go of her yet. That arm was either curled around her waist or her shoulders. He was lucky he was absolute shite at cards, cause she had been able to see his hand all night.

The room was in high spirits, even Fenris had dropped his frowny ways. "Wouldn't it defeat the purpose if I told you what color they were anyway?"

"Oh the things I could teach you. Why must you tease me so?"

"You might not feel that way so often if you didn't look at existing as a proposition."

She cared for Isabela, she truly did, but the elf had a point. Aveline had swiftly hidden her grin behind emptying her cup. "Varric, what does it means when..?"

"Hands, Daisey."

The very muffled slightly reproachful sound Merrill made was nothing short of precious.

Anders shifted towards her, leaning down a bit, "You seem to be enjoying yourself." She had been quiet most of the evening, most people would have assumed she was just tired. Anders knew better, she was content and for someone with her background it made sense that she would revel in such a feeling. The slight rosey hue to her cheeks spoke volumes and the small smile let him know she was enjoying her friends company. When she turned to him her smile only grew. "I am amongst family, safe, and happy. My mother has her estate, she is well cared for. Everyone around me is celebrating and the wine is glorious." She smiled as she pulled lightly off the bottle, handing it to her cohort. It was odd to see him drink, but the lazy warmth it brought to his face was gorgeous. "It would be a crime if I were not enjoying this."

That moment, just the way she looked and her casual acceptance of his arms around him. She had been curled into his right side all night. She was so close and she smelled wonderful. All it would take was one head tilt and he would feel those lips on his again. To the void with their friends, his fingers traced her jaw delighting in the feeling of her breath on his thumb as it brushed her lower lip. The tiny noise of want that she emitted when her lips closed around said thumb left Anders short of breath.

"Hawke, if you keep trying to fuck people on my table I might stop inviting you over." Varric groused. It seriously wouldn't have chafed nearly as much if she'd bothered to look away from Blondie before she mumbled a noncommittal answer.

Isabela's laughter floated across the room, "It's this table Varric. Nothing's sexier than a rough wood table."

"And here most descent people would think that splinters were a turn off," Aveline supplied while tossing her cards on the table. "And again, can you people think of nothing else? I fold and I need another drink."

Siri was in heaven and she dare not break the spell. Her left hand was playing with the hair at the nape of his neck and her right was held in his talented hands. She had never been the type for a massage but Maker that felt nice. His hands were slightly calloused, which just added to the allure, but when he applied pressure just below her thumb to all those little muscles that allowed the rogue to shift her daggers angle and position. The sensation made her toes curl. "When did you get so good at this?"

"You pick up strange talents in the Circle, not all of them are about magic," Anders quipped, eyes focused on the task at hand. He turned her palm so it was facing up, his fingers danced across the string of her muscles prying the tension out of each one before methodically moving to the next. The slide of his own skin across hers was blissful torment, the velvety feel and reactions it brought with were not only something he had long given up, but he had never felt this strongly. He glanced down to her face, eyes lulled half closed his feathers mixing with her silky black hair. It was special because it was her.

"We might have to disagree about the whole 'what you're doing right now' thing not being magic." Siri quietly decided she liked this spot, his arm and shoulder were comfy. The floaty sensation that came with the wine was glorious, especially when she closed her eyes, all she could smell or feel was Anders. And he was making her feel ever so nice.

It was poetic that her eyes were closed, really. That she would trust him this openly and this close. He couldn't wait. Their surroundings exploded into laughter and squeals as the game ended, Isabela stood as winner which of course raised concerns for cheating and Merrill proceeded to hurtle questions at the dwarf at a mile a minute. Siri smiled, she truly loved her friends. The smile that graced her lips as he leaned down made him wonder if she could see with her eyes closed.

The query died too quickly to be examined. Her lips were as soft as he remembered and she tasted as sweet as the wine she was drinking. Her inhale only opened further possibilities, he bit lightly on her lower lip before tilting her face and sliding his tongue along her's. The noise around them had stopped but neither had a clue. Her hand tightened in his hair as she yanked him closer, more by Andraste's flaming tits, she wanted more. The rough slide of his stubble was driving her mad.

"You are all a bunch of deviants!" Aveline cut in. "You," she gestured to Isabel, "should not be watching such things." She turned on Varric, "You should not be writing such things. And Merrill should not be exposed to such things, we'll spend all night awkwardly explaining things and making snarky references she doesn't know we're making." Aveline then turned on the two in the corner, both blushing from their head to their toes. "If one were prudent then the thought might possibly occur to you that this lot doesn't need any encouragement?"

Siri's gaze immediately fell on Varric. Yup, she was going to kill him. He knew she hated his penchant for publicizing her love life, fine he could write about her slaying dragons without lifting more than her pinky finger all day, but this, this required action. "Varric," she said silkily, slipping from her healer's grasp for the first time this evening. "We talked about this. Hand over the parchment."

It really did puff up her ego that the dwarf did not completely hide the nervous twitch of the hand holding said parchment. "You can't be serious?! That was epic."

"I'll say." Isabela swooned, staring at Anders in a way that made Siri simultaneously want to skin and agree with the pirate. "You should let him keep it kitten. That was the stuff of legends."

Aveline scooted past Hawke retaining her previous seat and Anders busied himself with the bottle of wine in front of him, not nearly as bothered as Siri by the situation. Not after that kiss, he had had many lovers in the past but if that was just the opening act, he couldn't wait to see just what the rest of the night would bring. He could just imagine the noises she'd make with his tongue wrapped around her nipple. Belatedly he was grateful that the patches in his clothing forced him into wearing multiple layers, he would not need to worry about his reaction being obvious.

"Fine, keep your blasted parchment and scribbles. Just know, there will be retribution for this."

She was so cute when she huffed.

"Is it warm in here or it it just me? Heavens, I need another drink. I'm babbling aren't I? The elf tittered nervously. "Oh and look at that, I haven't stopped have I?"

"You're so sweet, kitten," Isabela cooed. Well it never did take Bela long to move on, Siri thought affectionately. A hand on her own returned her attention to her amber eyed apostate, oh his gaze was practically oozing sex right now. "Come with me." He captured her lips again, telling her what he dare not say in this public place. "Let me walk you home."

Siri concluded that Merrill had the right idea. She grabbed the bottle of wine she had been supplied and while glaring openly at Varric plucked one more from the basket by her feet. "This has been fun, but I require fresh air. I had a lovely time, good night."

"Sure Hawke, take the extra bottle as congratulations. See you two in a few days."

She would kill Varric later, right now she had better things to be doing.


End file.
